By coincidence my digging around (literally) has revealed a shocking fact about all this. Be warned. Trust no-one. I now realize what these little aliens are up to and it is bad news for all humans.

What I have discovered is that humans are on borrowed time unless they reform their ways. Aliens are not impressed by your years of laying waste to this planet (and to each other) as well as other insidious activities such as daytime television. Years of inserting probes into humans (think your dog getting his temperature taken at the vet’s) have convinced them that human breeding only leads to the creation of undesirable sub-species such as telemarketers, used car salesmen, lawyers, politicians and selected dog judges. Faced with this fact the aliens have determined to institute compulsory desexing for humankind unless there is a quick improvement in your conduct on this planet.

I don’t know why aliens are never depicted as having four legs, appealing eyes and the ability to haul sleds over long distances but it seems that we dogs are in luck. They have decided that we are the ideal species to take over this planet and be submissive to any alien gestures such as borrowing a few precious minerals that we don’t even value yet. It isn’t bad logic after all. I mean do you think that we dogs are going to run around wasting precious water on a few petunias or pansies? Or generating large amounts of greenhouse gases? Better still, having a dominant species that just occasionally nips each other is a lot better than having a race of suicide bombers who run around blowing each other up. Soon the aliens will look at breeding a race of super dogs (huskies be warned-you’ll be needed) who can handle all current human functions such as operating supermarket check-outs and driving heavy vehicles.

You have been warned. This is your last chance. Trust no-one (except me of course). I must take leave now as there are bright lights and funny noises outside. Which either means that the aliens have come to do strange things to my owner or I have to go outside and bark at the local hoons drag-racing in our street.

      BELA HUSKY

PS  E.T.  Next time you phone home don’t use reverse charges. Regards, your Mum.