Flies tend to be obnoxious little devils. Actually, one name for the Devil is Beelzebub--meaning "Lord of the Flies". Our flies here are of the insistent variety, they just buzz in your face all of the time. To our horror though, we have discovered they are really Vampires! Yes, the kind that masquerade as bats, Bela Lugosi, and occasionally Tom Cruise, may have now found a new disguise in the guise of houseflies. They seem to have little taste for our Aussie shepherd, Megan. Perhaps the possibility of getting walloped by those floppy ears detracts them. However, dogs with stand up ears like Taz, or our chow, Ninja, are brutally attacked by these denizens of the shadows. Indeed, like vampires, they don’t fly in the sun, they skulk in the dark recesses of the yard. Then they attach themselves to the tender tips of Ninja’s and the husky’s hearing appendages to gorge and feast on their blood. A real treat!

As many may know, if left unchecked, these flies eventually eat away the ear itself. Getting rid of them is quite a trick. When the flies began to swarm this summer on both Ninja and Taz, I tried a spray product. The hissing sound of the pump caused both dogs to bolt each time an attempt was made to work on them. The dog’s lack of cooperation promoted my procrastination. As the days progressed, both Ninja and Taz increasingly had ear tips of flies, scabs and blood. Corralling the dogs and forcibly spraying them did not keep the flies at bay. Actually, a couple of flies alighted just as Taz’ ears were being sprayed. It was like giving the flies a shot of Tequila. I swear I could hear them yip and holler "YEEE HAAA!" as they rode the bolting dog about the yard like bronco riders in a rodeo. They then proceeded to tumble down slowly, spinning to the ground in lazy circles before eventually either passing out or dying very happy deaths. Obviously, something had to be done before the backyard become the insect version of the Calgary Stampede.

A San Diego breeder suggested a popular ointment product. We found the smell alone could stop a barreling pack of dogs at fifty yards. Beyond the odious odor, the color and viscosity really made this stuff potent. It looks a bright, Pepto-Bismol pink and oozes with the thickness of molasses. Thick, gooey, neon and noxious. A fly in this ointment would be a goner in a moment. Ninja appreciated having her ears rubbed, so there rose little problem doctoring her. Taz too, decided that the blood and pain warranted his allowing the pink goop to be put on his ears. Well, it looks ridiculous. A dynamic, wolf-imaged, ice blue eyed husky and a jet black chow both sporting clown-pink ear tips. Yet, they were glad for the ministrations and attention as he graciously allowed me to work on him. And for one brief, glorious moment in the sun, all was well with the world. The devil flies were defeated. Ninja was happy. Taz was happy. I was happy. And the bliss lasted about 10 seconds.

Then Taz flicked an ear. Suddenly a third pink spot appeared, right on his forehead between the ears. It was kind of cute. Then Taz shook his head. At once large pink blotches framed his nose and plastered his cheek. Immediately, Taz was possessed to start scratching. A paw went right to the ears and soon pink polka dots were covering his side. Then the urge came to chew and swatches of pink adorned his legs. All at once, Taz was filled with neon pink. He somehow even managed pink on the tip of his tail. Then I looked and realized that Ninja adopted the same color pattern. By the way, did I happen to mention this stuff has the viscosity of diesel engine grease? Those familiar with marine motors know that a little dab of heavy grease can spread out and go a long way to cover a vast area. It’s also designed not to come off…ever. At this time, the previously, sedate and becalmed Taz realized this was his big chance for stardom as the substitute for the Energizer Bunny and began auditioning the part. With grand, kinetic energy, Taz takes off around the yard and just keeps going, and going, and going, and going…. It was hilarious…for about 30 seconds. Then in his generosity, Taz decided to share the moment.

Now, I’m not sure why or how huskies know this, but they can always tell when you’re wearing your Sunday best. That is the signal to get their paws muddy and jump all over you. In this instance, Taz understood that he had surpassed that stage a thousand fold being covered in smelly, giddy pink, fluorescent muck. Every angle and side of him possessed the greasy, gaudy, stinking neon goop. And he knew it! When he leaped, he deftly avoided my ointment-covered hands. BAM! Two pink paws right into the chest. Splooch! Pink streaks run across my pants. Swoosh! Long, pink stripes down my arms. Flick! Dabs of pink in my face and hair. Now Ninja and Megan decide to get into the fun. Leaping and frolicking together, within moments we are all pink, polka dotted, party animals. Even with dish detergent it doesn’t come off but actually smoothes out over the skin. I had a very healthy, pink glow for the day. If there had been a blackout that evening, I wouldn’t have worried; not with my neon, pink complexion. Taz’ and Ninja’s ears are healing nicely.

The moral? Bonding means sharing, even if it’s greasy, pink goop. The three dogs and I had a moment of togetherness I have not had equaled. Occasionally idiocy and adversity make great partners. And there are absolutely NO flies on us! Until next time, we remain, Scott, Robbi and a pink polka dotted band of dogs. "The soul should always stand ajar, ready to welcome the ecstatic experience." --Emily Dickinson PS: By the way, Robbi goes out, dressed in professional attire for work and comes back in with nary a whiff of pink stuff on her. She says she doesn’t have any problem putting the ointment on the dogs. It figures….